It has been so long without a proper update on myself....
Reasons: I seriously lost track of my initial goal after i failed my "O" level English Language...
Although in 2008, after the retest, I manage to get C6.... the result is not satisfactory... to me or to....
Well look on the bright side, my circle of friend in poly look at English as if it is a burden, and it seriously lessen hell lots of stress on my side... but i felt that halfway through the poly life I lost my goals and ambition...
I start to think when i will also lost my identity... what am i born for.... if i believe most human are scam for destroying earth, i am also one of them, then what the result for me to be in this world.... I am not given the power or knowledge to do anything, nor am i able to change what people think, is the world better without me...
On the other hand.... I wanna give myself the chance to enjoy what the future will holds...
Seriously i feel i am a F**K up person and a personality...
Well poly life is gonna end in the next two week.... (I think i can pass thats why is 2 weeks)
However with my current GPA of 3.12 and with the effort i am inputting now, i dun think i can push my grades up to 3.3 even if i can GPA of 4 this semester... Sad Life...., will there be a university path for me after NS?
Now I really hate the "mountain theory" I made when I first entered poly... saying JC is like climbing the mountain, always in the light going by the fast way, and poly is like digging through a tunnel in the mountain to the other side...dark, slow yet enriching...
Although I foreseen that going to JC no doubt I will failed due to GP. But I failed to realize that I will also fail in Poly due to the GPA system with examination every semester and the sloth behavior i never get rid of... In first year i really thought poly was good with people choosing the same course and going to the same industry in the future will bind everyone together....
I know it was naive in year 2, but I held on to my belief that with my friends we can dig through a tunnel. I wanna reach the stage that I promise I will be there. And finally I will have the courage to face that someone. I aimed but i couldn't reach with this kind of childish mentality. I think I am just to lazy if not my GPA will not be that low, or maybe i am really not born smart but lucky, thats why I can get to this point now, when the real obstacles come, I will just fall and failed. Also people really changes, from year 1 to year 3, cannot believe that class 21 used to be isolated has make friends with 22 and 23, even the other stage. Also many personality and culture in the class also change, both the good and the bad way...
Sometime I wondered if Wen Jun and Gary are still in my class, will 21 be better? The usual loud, rowdy but full of friendship and love atmosphere compare to the "circles" of friend atmosphere?
Well no point moaning and crying over the spill milk or chasing the past...
I need to finish this damn poly life first go NS, and push my way into a University Course ...
Goal: Still going for maths, but with my score, can I enter?
Really I am too tired to fight on... always on my own.... Loneliness can get thing done fast, but sometimes, being solo is too tired, why there is always things that you must do alone?
