I am a retard

I thought that i make this point to myself very clear... but... i am still a retard... until today...
I once remember my law of meaning:

I am not stupid to cry when someone do not appreciate me for who I am
I am not stupid to be angry at someone who yearn for power and force you to submission
I am not stupid to be scare at someone who yell at you who aint doing any better themselves
I am not stupid to smile and accept it when someone stab me in my heart

But when my dad did it, hurting me emotionly, strangely the stream of tear fall slowly as i went to sleep...

Dry tear, how nogestic, how long have I been sealing it when....
I was told not to cry when i am sad and scare when i am young.

I thought I am train in this manner, taught to grow up in this manner and continue to be it
But when I start to have control of what I want to do, the feeling clashes again.
Maybe I am just too tired, too tired to laugh when I am sad,
Make a fool of myself to bring happiness to people around and get hurt again and again

Being a clown is too tiring when you lost your aim, lose your purpose living, no one to live for and no one to support you when you are hurt.
It just too tired to keep thinking of immature jokes and things to says...
Wearing a face to keep on living and smiling to stop people from worrying is really tired

I really envious of people who just shoot off their thought when they are angry or unhappy.
To smile when you are angry, laugh when you are sad, acting nothing when you are hurt are tired.

I cant check on my emotion any longer if this go own, my "check valve" has spoilt
I wish to discommission it for repair, but before it can happen, wave and wave of pressure keep slamming on it, it cant be discommission, the whole system will explore if this happen.

More to go but i am running late for ITP, another fake day to pass. Maybe that why I dream of darkness nowaday...

But when I type this out, it means that I also do not wish to discussed it any further
I just want to have someplace to vent it off.
(A place where can hold and restore the forgotten memory)

ITP

YeaH!

ITP Practical finally started

11/3/10 (thursday)
Tracing of KDU process - up to overhead condeser

12/3/10 (friday)
Tracing of water line

PCV-502 is a butterfly valve?
E113A/B is induce draft?


15/3/10 (monday)
Tracing of air-line and tank gauging(with coc and aoc)

Compress Air
Require Cooling Water to cool the air as it enter the water separator and filter

Funny Theory of the day:
When KDU cant run --> check the air instrument got air?
When air instrument cant run --> check is the cooling water cool enough (turn on the stupid cooling fan for god sake)


Learn that during shift work, they will screw us by adjusting the equipment set up for something to trip and want us to troubleshoot.

Learn that maybe D.P will be adjust such that no pressure reading is given to us...
Learn that we can chock the air system so that the reading will go haywire... (At E113A/B)

Learn that COC (continous oil containment) is more like oil base
AOC (accidential oil contaiment) is more water base

(to be edited again in the morning)

Update

Hmm....

5/2/10 (thursday)
Last paper for this sem. Math... EMII
seriously the standard throughout the whole EST has been dropping from the first paper
(from OMG what kind of paper is this "one tough question" to OMG what kind of paper is this "walkaway")

When Plaze Singapore with friends after that >_<


5/3/10 (friday)
First day of self declear Holiday(after EST)
Went to watch Being Human with hui yock and zhi hao

Suppose to meet at 1pm, but i am late again LOL, when i got the late habit(since i enter poly?)
Watching 3.55pm movie, but buying ticket for backrow seat (last 5 row, we get) lucky!~

After buying the tickets at 1.45pm, went to meiji to buy snack for movie. >_<
i brought the hello panda(can) three packet of the chewy graphs and 2 more thing

Went back to JP around 2.45pm.
We are back too early, so went arcade "so nostagic", we play some arcade basketball, shooting games and the ""???"" (forget the name LOL)

Hmm, aimming to get higher for each game, each of us spent $5.35 haha.
final score Hui Yock + Zhi hao --> 532 on kids basketball LOL
final score Wee Hao --> 327 on kids basketball LOL


8/3/10 (monday)
First Day for ITP (Jurong Island make me cant sleep well) LOL
but so far so good, cause no accident yet haha
Today learn about P&ID of the plant, hope to be able to draw up the P&ID using own style


#**Notes**:
9/3/10 is Taeyeon of SNSD Birthday~ Clap Clap, hope she has a wonderful 19 years old(American calander), 20 years old(korean calander).

Stay Young as a Kid leader and Laugh forever!